While most women around my age wouldn’t mind watching an episode of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress, I’d rather do 2 sets of 25 burpees than subject myself to 60 minutes of dress hunting. Why is that you might ask? Surprisingly I am not a bitter person who sulks about not being married. Quite the opposite. I’m the kind of woman that would visibly get uncomfortable if a man I’m seeing were to bring up marriage.
What every girl wants
I didn’t always think this way. When I was a little girl, I did fantasize about a big wedding, handsome groom, and of course the puffy white princess-like dress with all the trimmings. But when I was in my mid twenties, I took a realistic look at my life and asked myself if I really wanted to get married, or if it was something that was expected of me.
There was so much I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to accomplish on my own. For example, I wanted to have MY own house or condo, and I didn’t want to share it with anyone. Maybe from time to time, but definitely not for the rest of my life kind of thing, he should have his own place. I wanted a career, and I also wanted the freedom to make my own decisions and not have to consult with someone before I jumped. Oh, and did I mention I hate to compromise?
All these things got me thinking I would make a horrible wife. I would be extremely self-centered, committed only to advancing my agenda.
Something must to be wrong
I tried explaining my stance to many; some men who were either romantically interested or not, and some women. Pretty much everyone though I was strange, tried to convince me I was confused, or going through a phase and I’ll straighten up and want a “normal” life one day. All of them believed my twisted philosophy was tied to some unspeakable trauma I suffered as a child.
This got me thinking how society is still predominantly stuck in an era where a woman is SUPPOSED to want a husband, settle down and have kids. Anything outside of this would mean she is either unattractive, a lesbian, just plain weird, or some combination of the 3. Take your pick.
But why is it so abnormal for a woman to pursue dreams that have nothing do with matrimony? I’m not saying I would like to spend the rest of my life single and unattached, but I wouldn’t necessarily like to spend it married either. This extremely unhealthy association of marriage and a woman’s worth needs to stop. Why does society STILL attach my value as a woman to my ability to find a good man to marry? Why is something wrong with me if I CHOOSE to go through life as a single woman without a Mrs. prefix?
Marriage is great for some
Let me clarify a few things. I think marriage is great. To find the ONE and declare that ever lasting love for one another in front of GOD, your family and friends is truly beautiful and is always lovely to witness. I get a tingly feeling when I see married couples who have stood the test of time, and are clearly still devoted to each other. It always brings a smile to my face.
I’m pretty sure I’m not cut out for that level of commitment and compromise. It is hard work which frankly, I don’t think I have the patience or grace for. But it also takes a tremendous amount of maturity and courage to look at oneself, take a stand and know marriage is not the best fit for you, especially if you’re a woman.